best Chuck Norris jokes ever *updated*

Grimmjow · **Joined:** Jun 2007 **Posts:** 176 **Location:** On ice.

Chuck Norris can beta test without logging on.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Grimm-.- · **Posted:** Sat Aug 02, 2008 11:34 pm

Grimmjow wrote:

Chuck Norris can beta test without logging on.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Haha Last one was the only good one.
made meh jaja

magisuns · **Posted:** Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:53 am

wtf is so good about some guy named chuck norris... like srsly... i dont see anything about him that deserves such attention

FireVortex · **Joined:** Jul 2007 **Posts:** 2005 **Location:**

When the boogeyman goes 2 sleep he checks his closet 4 chuck norris.

Ya there rly lame.

Draquish · **Joined:** Mar 2006 **Posts:** 6423 **Location:** ____

magisuns wrote:

wtf is so good about some guy named chuck norris... like srsly... i dont see anything about him that deserves such attention

It was a snowball that rolled down a big mountain.

Klaid345 · **Joined:** Jul 2008 **Posts:** 6 **Location:** UK

People bashing the jokes - lighten the **** up eh?

lol keep them coming some are pretty good:D

Grimmjow · **Joined:** Jun 2007 **Posts:** 176 **Location:** On ice.

Chuck Norris confused Stephen Hawkins at a Monopoly game stating all the bases were his.
There is no crash test for cars,just Cars which Chuck allows to crash into his beard.
Chuck Norris irons his knuckle hair with a steamroller.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with acid,claiming it to be the only thing that can counteract the 100 bottles of pure whiskey.
There are no more decepticons,Chuck Norris roundhoused them all.
Chuck Norris taught Master Roshi the Kamehameha.
Chuck Norris taught bruce the Lee.
Chuck Norris Does not work up a sweat,the worlds atmosphere cannot keep up with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once tripped over a brick,it is now known as the Grand Canyon.
There is no heaven or hell,only good chuck and bad chuck.
Chuck Norris has 44 wives,all are equally pleased.

Draquish · **Joined:** Mar 2006 **Posts:** 6423 **Location:** ____

Grimmjow wrote:

Chuck Norris taught bruce the Lee.

Woah there, buddy. That is going too far.

Twist · **Posted:** Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:49 am

Chuck Norris tears cure cancer,too bad Chuck never cries.
Magical word is thank you,as in sentence ˝pls dont kill me˝.Too bad Chuck doesnt believe in magic.
God said:Let there be animals.
Chuck said:Say please.

blackfalcon · **Joined:** Jun 2007 **Posts:** 1865 **Location:**

when chuck norris falls into a pool, he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norrised

Grimmjow · **Joined:** Jun 2007 **Posts:** 176 **Location:** On ice.

Chuck Norris can jump rope on a glass floor and not recieve injuries.

x_iCe_x · **Joined:** Apr 2007 **Posts:** 369 **Location:**

you guys know chuck norris can slam a revolving door?

Inuyasha584 · **Joined:** Jun 2007 **Posts:** 1491 **Location:**

we need steve urkel jokes

takolin · **Joined:** Jan 2007 **Posts:** 4238 **Location:** Life

Draquish wrote:

magisuns wrote:

wtf is so good about some guy named chuck norris... like srsly... i dont see anything about him that deserves such attention

It was a snowball that rolled down a big mountain.

I'm going to stab that man who rolled that snowball.

Stephanus · **Posted:** Sun Aug 03, 2008 8:52 am

Chuck Norriss invented all colors except pink.
Pink was invented by Tom Cruise.

BTW, in our land was last year a voting event for choosing name for a newly built bridge. Chuck Norris's name was on the top of the list for pretty long time. You see, if you dont know who Chuck Norris is... you miss the best stuff on earth

Ah, an other joke:
The univers is expanding coz everyithing runs away in fear from Chuck Norris.

Priam · **Posted:** Sun Aug 03, 2008 10:37 am

Why make the OT fail this much.. Why?

Nitro · **Joined:** Sep 2007 **Posts:** 4769 **Location:**

Grimmjow wrote:

Chuck Norris taught Master Roshi the Kamehameha.

blackfalcon wrote:

when chuck norris falls into a pool, he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norrised

Lol epic.

takolin · **Joined:** Jan 2007 **Posts:** 4238 **Location:** Life

Priam wrote:

Why make the OT fail this much.. Why?

It was Ice.
Lets stone him

Priam · **Posted:** Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:31 pm

Allready did, he survived.

takolin · **Joined:** Jan 2007 **Posts:** 4238 **Location:** Life

Priam wrote:

Allready did, he survived.

Try using bigger stones like in Monty Python's life of Brian.

Grimmjow · **Joined:** Jun 2007 **Posts:** 176 **Location:** On ice.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.

Pham · **Joined:** Aug 2007 **Posts:** 541 **Location:**

chuck norris can get black jack with 1 card

when chuck norris does division, there is no remainder

chuck norris never wet himself as a child, the bed wet itself out of fear

chuck noriss dosnt wear a watch, he decides wat time it is

chuck norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at nite.

whiteraven · **Joined:** Aug 2007 **Posts:** 561 **Location:** dasfsss

well chuck norris s*cks so do his movies and series,,

and those jokes are retarded,, light up ants atnight with magnifying glass,,

i can do that myself ,, and im not chuck norris,, i bett everyone can do that,, (who says you should do it with the light of the moon)

Grimmjow · **Joined:** Jun 2007 **Posts:** 176 **Location:** On ice.

whiteraven wrote:

well chuck norris s*cks so do his movies and series,,

and those jokes are retarded,, light up ants atnight with magnifying glass,,

i can do that myself ,, and im not chuck norris,, i bett everyone can do that,, (who says you should do it with the light of the moon)

:/

Sauron · **Joined:** Sep 2007 **Posts:** 413 **Location:**

-There is no theory of evolution, there's just a list of animals Chuck Norris lets live.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
-Chuck Norris can touch MC hammer.
-Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim on land.
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

My fave 5 Chuck jokes.

Grimm-.- · **Posted:** Mon Aug 04, 2008 9:41 am

lol... These are so god damn funny...
brb gotta dry up my pants

lol but srsly... I just pissed my pants.

TwIsTeD69 · **Joined:** Sep 2007 **Posts:** 289 **Location:**

I do not hardly know anything about Chuck Norris but these jokes are the most stupid jokes I've ever read in my life. Not funny and 90% of the jokes makes no since at all.

whiteraven · **Joined:** Aug 2007 **Posts:** 561 **Location:** dasfsss

well chuck norris is this **tough** guy...

start a chuck norris sect and do a mass suicide,, please,, the world would be really helped with that xD

dom · **Posted:** Mon Aug 04, 2008 7:51 pm

Chuck Norris [and fans] over-exagerate in an attempt to make up for their insecurities regarding their penis size.

Doron · **Posted:** Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:11 pm

dom wrote:

Chuck Norris [and fans] over-exagerate in an attempt to make up for their insecurities regarding their penis size.

but his face in DodgeBall was pretty funny, I chuckled...

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