Ok, so post a funny joke, no spam or dumb things please...
I'll start
Ok, so there is this super lonely guy who desperately wants a blowjob, so he goes to the 'Mega Blow Warehouse' and buys a blowjob. The lady at the counter says, "Thank you, sir. Do you see that barrel out there? well, there is a hole in the barrel and a person in the barrel. Enjoy! So the guy walks out there and sticks his cock in the barrel. He comes back and says to the lady, "O my gosh, that was amazing, can I do this everyday?" The lady replies, "No, only Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, friday and Saturday, but not Sunday." The man says, "Well, why not Sunday?" The lady replies, "Because on Sunday your in the barrel!"
If you did not get it, i pity you, but there are guys in the barrel, sucking his cock.
Alright, theres 3 women in the OBGYN or whatev its called but there was a red head, brunette and a blonde, the red head says she's having a boy b/c she was on the bottom and her husband was on top, the brunette said she's having a girl b/c she was on the top and her husband was on bottom, then out of nowhere, the blonde starts crying hysterically, and both of the women ask her whats wrong and the blonde says she's having puppies. haha
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
This 14 year old kid and his girlfriend are talking on the phone, earlier that day, he was invited to his girlfriends house for dinner, and during thier conversation, she said that she was gonna "give it to him good" after dinner. So, of course, the kid goes to the pharmac to buy some condoms. He walks up to the counter and the pharmacist says,"hello, would you like a 3 pack or a family pack?" The kid reply's "Well, Im really gonna give it to her good, so Ill take the family pack." Later that night he goes to his girlfriends house for dinner and she decides that he should say Grace. He bows his head, and freezes. After 20 minutes of bowing his head and not saying a single word, his girlfriend leans over and whispers, "What's wrong? Why aren't you saying Grace?" He leans back and says," I didn't know that your dad was a pharmacist!"
there was a special mirror....and the thing with this mirror was if you said the truth into it your greatest dream would come true....however if you lied you were sucked into oblivion.... so a brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the smartest person in the world" a few days later her dream comes true. The next day a redhead walks up ot the mirror she says , "I think i am the most pretty person in the world" and her wish comes true. The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror, and as she starts to speak, "I think........" she is sucked into oblivion
there was a special mirror....and the thing with this mirror was if you said the truth into it your greatest dream would come true....however if you lied you were sucked into oblivion.... so a brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the smartest person in the world" a few days later her dream comes true. The next day a redhead walks up ot the mirror she says , "I think i am the most pretty person in the world" and her wish comes true. The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror, and as she starts to speak, "I think........" she is sucked into oblivion
Whats the difference between PMT and BSE?
One attacks the cows brain and sends it f***ing mental, and apparently the other is an agricultural problem..
Woman walks into dry cleaners with a dress and asked for it to be cleaned. The dry cleaner is a bit deaf and says 'come again?' The girl blushes and says 'no just yogurt this time...'
I have others, but some people might get offended and some are just to damn naughty...
Joined: Jun 2006 Posts: 5185 Location: Artists Corner
Bastet wrote:
Whats the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cows brain and sends it f***ing mental, and apparently the other is an agricultural problem..
Woman walks into dry cleaners with a dress and asked for it to be cleaned. The dry cleaner is a bit deaf and says 'come again?' The girl blushes and says 'no just yogurt this time...'
I have others, but some people might get offended and some are just to damn naughty...
Whats the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cows brain and sends it f***ing mental, and apparently the other is an agricultural problem..
Woman walks into dry cleaners with a dress and asked for it to be cleaned. The dry cleaner is a bit deaf and says 'come again?' The girl blushes and says 'no just yogurt this time...'
I have others, but some people might get offended and some are just to damn naughty...
Whats the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cows brain and sends it f***ing mental, and apparently the other is an agricultural problem..
Woman walks into dry cleaners with a dress and asked for it to be cleaned. The dry cleaner is a bit deaf and says 'come again?' The girl blushes and says 'no just yogurt this time...'
I have others, but some people might get offended and some are just to damn naughty...
I... I want naughty
me too
Me three!
_________________ <<banned from SRF for proof of botting. -SG>>
Whats the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cows brain and sends it f***ing mental, and apparently the other is an agricultural problem..
Woman walks into dry cleaners with a dress and asked for it to be cleaned. The dry cleaner is a bit deaf and says 'come again?' The girl blushes and says 'no just yogurt this time...'
I have others, but some people might get offended and some are just to damn naughty...
I... I want naughty
me too
Me three!
Eww you guys are pig how could you like this kind of stuff?
[size=0]Me 4![/size]
_________________ <<banned from SRF for bot admission. -SG>>
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
This is the only one who made me laugh.
Others were mere chuckles.
Whats the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cows brain and sends it f***ing mental, and apparently the other is an agricultural problem..
Woman walks into dry cleaners with a dress and asked for it to be cleaned. The dry cleaner is a bit deaf and says 'come again?' The girl blushes and says 'no just yogurt this time...'
I have others, but some people might get offended and some are just to damn naughty...
I... I want naughty
me too
Me three!
Me four!
_________________
XemnasXD wrote:
also im not going to stop calling him a cosmic douche, anyone that knows everything about everything, then creates you knowing full you won't end up following the rules he's made up for you, then punishes you for all eternity for it....come on...thats just being a d*ck.
Whats the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cows brain and sends it f***ing mental, and apparently the other is an agricultural problem..
Woman walks into dry cleaners with a dress and asked for it to be cleaned. The dry cleaner is a bit deaf and says 'come again?' The girl blushes and says 'no just yogurt this time...'
I have others, but some people might get offended and some are just to damn naughty...
Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 2615 Location: I poopid :o
i gots one,
k so theres this guy in a bar, and he looks really depressed (call him Fred), some one notices him (call him bob). so bob walks up and asks him how hes doing. Fredd answers and says: i got drunk last night and was late to work in the morning and i got fired, i got in a crash and totaled my car on the way home, then when i got home my wife was in bed with our gardener. so i went on a walk and got mugged and all my money was stolen. so i came here and now you drank the poison.
Three guys sit ina boat, a mexican, a frnch guy and an american. The boat is sinking. So they all throw there most plentiful thing off the boat. The mexican says, "I have too many of these in my country." and he throws off tacos. The french guy says, i have too any of these in my country and throws over coffee and the american says, we have too many of these in OUR country, and throws off the mexican.
little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.
"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.
Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor.. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and ! POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !"
In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote:
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.
She responded, "It's my wash cloth."
Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved her pubic hair.
The boy asked, "What happened to your wash cloth?"
The mother responded, "I lost it."
The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth.
A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, "I found your washcloth."
The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?"
The boy answered, "The maid has it! She is washing daddy's face with it."
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."
Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.
They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today."
"What?" his father replied.
"When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!"
guys with tough balls should do this; go to joymax office and literally beat them up. now you guys should only beat up dudes who work on big offices of joymax. you must record it and make US SEE BLEEDING JOYMAX EMPLOYEES! AINT THAT FREAKIN GREAT!
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