Jokes

huejas · **Joined:** Jan 2008 **Posts:** 1804 **Location:**

A husband said to his wife, "Get your coat on love, it’s time to go to the pub."

"But you NEVER take me out," she replied.

"I’m not," said the husband, "but I’m turning the heating off before I go".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anyone could have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven.

God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke.

He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven.

The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so she could not enter heaven.

The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step, so she could not enter heaven either.

Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing hysterically.

"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn’t even tell a joke."

"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first one."

vietxboy911 · **Joined:** Jul 2007 **Posts:** 3236 **Location:**

Lol wow.

OffTopic: Have you recieved my pm?

huejas · **Joined:** Jan 2008 **Posts:** 1804 **Location:**

vietxboy911 wrote:

Lol wow.

OffTopic: Have you recieved my pm?

Yes but i havent done it yet. Pm me your "favour"

Asteroid · **Joined:** Aug 2008 **Posts:** 626 **Location:**

thats a joke or someone actually say it in real life

edit: thanks for edit. guess its a joke

TOloseGT · **Joined:** Sep 2006 **Posts:** 7129 **Location:**

here's a story. the beginning is scary, the middle is funny, the last part is sad.

Spoiler!

destructionmama · **Joined:** Sep 2006 **Posts:** 1509 **Location:** There

TOloseGT wrote:

here's a story. the beginning is scary, the middle is funny, the last part is sad.

Spoiler!

Now that's some funny chizz!

Doron · **Posted:** Sat Sep 13, 2008 9:09 am

I laughed so hard...

I came.

*BlackFox · **Joined:** Sep 2008 **Posts:** 7923 **Location:**

Cats ARE Better

Dear Dog,

I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...

Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.

Best regards,
The Cat

Nitro · **Joined:** Sep 2007 **Posts:** 4769 **Location:**

TOloseGT wrote:

here's a story. the beginning is scary, the middle is funny, the last part is sad.

Spoiler!

Lol hahaha

whiteraven · **Joined:** Aug 2007 **Posts:** 561 **Location:** dasfsss

Spoiler!

SidiousX · **Posted:** Sat Sep 13, 2008 11:28 am

whiteraven wrote:

Spoiler!

ja ik ben zo triest

Starrie · **Joined:** Feb 2008 **Posts:** 1170 **Location:**

whiteraven, translation, there are people who are NOT from holland.

Btw, it's one of the worst jokes i've ever heard, already since the first time :wink:

Squirt · **Joined:** Jan 2008 **Posts:** 8186 **Location:**

whiteraven wrote:

Spoiler!

LOL I get it its gibberish?

poehalcho · **Posted:** Sat Sep 13, 2008 6:04 pm

it's pretty much this:

bunny goes to baker

> got carrot cake?
< no
next day:
> got carrot cake?
< no
third day:
baker felt sad for the bunny...
> got carrot cake?
< yes!
> EWWW!

Locketart · **Joined:** Mar 2007 **Posts:** 2119 **Location:**

You know what the best part of having sex with twenty three year olds is?

There are twenty of them.

Wu · **Joined:** Apr 2007 **Posts:** 2521 **Location:** Around.

Locketart wrote:

You know what the best part of having sex with twenty three year olds are?

There are twenty of them.

hahahaha

Draquish · **Joined:** Mar 2006 **Posts:** 6423 **Location:** ____

Locketart wrote:

You know what the best part of having sex with twenty three year olds are?

There are twenty of them.

I lol'd.

Squirt · **Joined:** Jan 2008 **Posts:** 8186 **Location:**

Draquish wrote:

Locketart wrote:

You know what the best part of having sex with twenty three year olds are?

There are twenty of them.

I lol'd.

I came

tedtwilliger · **Posted:** Sun Sep 14, 2008 12:36 am

Since when did OTL become the wasteland for our terrible jokes?

Why does Beyonce sing to the left?

Because black people have no rights

Squirt · **Joined:** Jan 2008 **Posts:** 8186 **Location:**

That is a good one.
I'm so stealing and taking credits for that xD

TOloseGT · **Joined:** Sep 2006 **Posts:** 7129 **Location:**

tedtwilliger wrote:

Why does Beyonce sing to the left?

Because black people have no rights

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL, that's almost as good as my one

Doron · **Posted:** Sun Sep 14, 2008 8:11 am

Starrie wrote:

whiteraven, translation, there are people who are NOT from holland.

Btw, it's one of the worst jokes i've ever heard, already since the first time :wink:

you know what the worst thing of all is about this joke??

The little kids asking for carrots at mcD's since we've got them for the happy meal...

Asteroid · **Joined:** Aug 2008 **Posts:** 626 **Location:**

TOloseGT wrote:

tedtwilliger wrote:

Why does Beyonce sing to the left?

Because black people have no rights

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL, that's almost as good as my one

it was better. but yours was better than that one gibberish one

SnowBear · **Joined:** Aug 2008 **Posts:** 49 **Location:**

Bad day...

A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.

The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma."

The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.

That night, the kid says "Good-
night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies.

The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy."

The father freaks. He's thinking I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.

At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.

He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day." She says "YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!"

RuYi · **Joined:** Apr 2006 **Posts:** 7145 **Location:** Done.

Please keep all the jokes in English, so people from all over the world can laugh at them.

poehalcho wrote:

it's pretty much this:

bunny goes to baker

> got carrot cake?
< no
next day:
> got carrot cake?
< no
third day:
baker felt sad for the bunny...
> got carrot cake?
< yes!
> EWWW!

I loved the Mc Donalds version of that one. :3

huejas · **Joined:** Jan 2008 **Posts:** 1804 **Location:**

How are they bad

You guys are gay...

TOloseGT · **Joined:** Sep 2006 **Posts:** 7129 **Location:**

u'r gay

DeepEvil · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 8:00 am

Fez time

i guess that wasn't OT but i thought he is a joke

Midori · **Joined:** Mar 2007 **Posts:** 3425 **Location:**

So theres this donut that has always wanted to be a captain of a boat. So one day he decides to go to the docks and try to be a captain of one of the boats there.

So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said no. The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he was a captain. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.

So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said no. The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he was a captain of a huge boat. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.

So he asked a captain, can i be a captain of your boat? The captain said "No, if you come back back here again I'll kill you!". The donut then went home and slept that night and had a dream that he really was was a captain. The next day he went back to the docks and went to see the captain again.

He went up to the captain and asked him "Can i be a captain?". The captain yelled no and took a bite out of him and threw him out of the window.

Doron · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 2:58 pm

^^I don't get it...

Ru, I hate you...

Even grown-up people are asking me that....

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