This is my story:
It all started one warm summers eve in the glorious city that is Hotan. When I walked through the gates to find my love, who I had taken to calling "Bunch", flirting with another man. She pleaded with me that it wasn't what it looked like, but I had seen too much. So, I challenged the vile monster, Sir Baconz, to a duel. He agreed to meet me outside the gates where such a duel would be permitted. The following is what took place after...